Pooper Disease Awareness
May 15, 2011
It’s Celiac Disease awareness month. Of course, I would have known that 16 days ago if dates had meaning to me. But they don’t – I don’t have a job. Personally, I think it’s why I can’t get a job – I’m being discriminated against.
No one wants to hire a guy who is going to be using their toilet all the time. You think that toilet paper is free? If I even eat something that has touched gluten I have to apologize to my toilet. Besides no one wants a guy who is in a meeting and has to leave every five minutes. And I can only imagine their thoughts on having to take me to a business lunch.
“Would you like some mustard on your burger?”
“No, I don’t know where that mustard has been. I’ll just eat my lettuce and this burger patty.”
While everyone else is drinking beer, I have to bring my own, which is made out of bark mulch and hippy grass.
“Would you like to try a taste of my gluten-free beer. It’s made from sorghum grass.”
“What’s that?”
“Oh, it’s a grass from Africa. An elephant was just pissing on it a month ago.”
So please, donate to the Celiac … whatever it is… fund… thingy. All funds go to fighting discrimination against Pooper Disease. We may not going to find a cure. But the money will make us feel better when we’re losing feeling in our legs because we’ve been sitting on the toilet for three hours.
