Ranty Time

HIRE ME! I can sell a book.

Ok, it’s ranty time. The biggest complaint I get about my last book is that it’s just a compilation of tweets. This makes me question Darwinism.

Look, I understand that not everyone is going to like it. That’s fine. But when the summary says it’s a compilation of tweets, and you were upset it wasn’t who done it pick-a-path, clearly some of you weren’t hugged enough as a child.

The whole idea of the book was to see if I could sell a book. I mean, literally, just a single book. I know this may come to a surprise to some, but you just don’t write a book and magically it sells like Harry Potter. The hardest part isn’t writing a book, it’s marketing it. That was the whole point of As Pantless as I Want to Be.

I wasn’t going to spend all my time, not looking for a job, pinning my hopes on selling millions of copies, and getting my own theme park and statue. Instead, I took all the silly twitter shenanigans, packaged it into a book and marketed it as such. If I could get that to sell I would not only test the market, it would also serve as marketing for the next book. You starting to see how this all works?

I did sell a couple of copies. At one point, I topped 822 in Kindle sales, or something like that. That’s not too bad for a first book with no publisher behind it. Now I can work on a completely original book, which I’m doing now. I’m working on Can I Have Snack?,  a day-in-the-life of an unemployed stay-at-home dad. Better known as me.

So if you were all upset that the first book didn’t have enough original content, just unsqueeze. It’s coming. Right after I figure out how to get the straws into these juice pouches. Clearly, the makers of Capri Sun hate parents.