Preventing Identity Theft

From: “Nicole Brady”
To: “David Kaa”
Sent: Wednesday, November 9, 2011 2:17:09 PM
Subject: Follow Up

Hi David,

Thank you for your time this afternoon, I greatly appreciate it! I think you would be a great fit for this opportunity! Below is the non-disclosure agreement. Please copy and paste the below phrase and send it back to me in a new email. All this phrase says is that you are working with Insight Global on this particular position at this particular time. This is not a binding contract by any means and does not limit your ability to pursue additional opportunities elsewhere. This is required by our client to have on file and it is built to protect you.

If you have any questions at all please reach out to me and I will be happy to help you out.

I “David Kaa” have given Insight Global, Inc., A Staffing Service Company, the sole and exclusive right to represent you for a Marketing Consultant” at “Company Redacted”. Any other company which submits my name or resume for such assignments at this client has done so without my authorization and consent. Additionally, I agree that I will not disclose the end-client in which I am being submitted to by Insight Global, Inc. Disclosing this information may remove me from consideration for the position.

 

Social Security

 

Date of Birth (Month/Day)

 

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Nicole Brady
Date: Wed, November 9, 2011 2:38 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

Nicole,

Thanks. Below is the non-disclosure agreement. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Best,

David

I “David Kaa” have given Insight Global, Inc., A Staffing Service Company, the sole and exclusive right to represent you for a “Marketing Consultant” at “Company Redacted ”. Any other company which submits my name or resume for such assignments at this client has done so without my authorization and consent. Additionally, I agree that I will not disclose the end-client in which I am being submitted to by Insight Global, Inc. Disclosing this information may remove me from consideration for the position.

teU78Jk*&iksLLo&35

Social Security

SKiy7g6#U90OI98flPg

Date of Birth (Month/Day)

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From: “Nicole Brady”
To: “David Kaa”
Sent: Wednesday, November 9, 2011 2:46:52 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

David,

Your social security number and DOB came back as a bunch of jumble characters.

Thanks,
Nicole

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Nicole Brady
Date: Wed, November 9, 2011 2:49 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

Nicole,

I encrypted them. I wouldn’t want to just hand that information out all willy nilly. That would not be safe. Identity theft is an issue very near and dear to my heart. My debit card number once was stolen, and someone ran up a $10,000 bill on clothing and chimichangas.

In my free time, which I have a lot of these days, I volunteer for an identity theft advocacy group. I created the “Don’t Be a Victim” campaign based on my experience. I attached of copy of my work for your reference.

As you can imagine, I’m a bit sensitive about handing my personal information out to anyone.

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From: “Nicole Brady”
To: “David Kaa”
Sent: Wednesday, November 9, 2011 2:52:35 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

I can’t decrypt what you sent. We keep all our records safely filed away. I wouldn’t work for or represent a company that mishandles information.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Nicole Brady
Date: Wed, November 9, 2011 3:11 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

Nicole,

It is obvious that you and your client’s have had countless meetings to address this issue. I will sleep well tonight knowing that my personal information is safely tucked away in a hanging folder.

I can send you back the requested information as soon as you send me your social security number and bra size.

Thanks,
David

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From: “Nicole Brady”
To: “David Kaa”
Sent: Wednesday, November 9, 2011 3:12:18 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

EXCUSE ME? I can’t believe I just read that.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Nicole Brady
Date: Wed, November 9, 2011 3:14 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

Sorry, it’s a security measure. How do I know this is you? I mean, this could be anyone on the other end. I would have ask you for your date if birth, but then I would know your age. I might find out your some young kid, fresh out of school. Then I’d be the creepy old guy talking to the young women on the Internet. We all know how that ends. So I decided to ask you another unique question that only you would know the answer to.

If it makes you any more comfortable, I’m ridiculously good-looking. You can rest assured that your bra size won’t be known by an average-looking schlub. I would never ask such sensitive information if I were, or associated with, average-looking men. However, since I am all about equal opportunity, I will have an attractive women type this question if you’re a lesbian.

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From: “Nicole Brady”
To: “David Kaa”
Sent: Wednesday, November 9, 2011 3:15:07 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

If you want a job I suggest you change your attitude and save the smart-ass remarks. You are rude and obnoxious.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Nicole Brady
Date: Wed, November 9, 2011 3:17 PM
Subject: RE: Follow Up

Nicole,

So what you’re saying is that I’m management material?

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Reapplying For The Position Of

From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Fri, October 28, 2011 2:16 PM
Subject: Director Position

Hi Deb,

I saw that the director position I interviewed for has been reposted. So I guess that’s a no?

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 10:14 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

Hi David,

At this point they’ve decided to reopen the opportunity to new applicants.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 10:22 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

I am very interested in this position. Is there anything I can do to be reconsidered?

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 10:47 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

David,

I’m sorry, the hiring manager has decided that he wants to continue the search, looking for a better fit.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 10:52 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

I feel that I am a great fit for this position. I have attached a graph showing why I am the ideal candidate for this position.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:03 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

David,

I appreciate your effort, but this graph does not help us in our search. We have decided to move on to new candidates.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:06 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

This graph shows I’m perfect for the job. Management needs data in order to base their decisions. This is science, and you can’t argue with science. Until I see data to the contrary, it’s clear that I’m the best candidate for this position.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:08 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

David,

We have already decided to move on in the search process.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:09 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

I can see you’re not a big fan of math. What if I send my resume in a new accent? Would I then count as a new candidate? I’m writing this in a pirate accent right now. Yarrrrr! See, pirate.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:14 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

David,

How would I know if you are sending an application in a pirate accent? Besides, pirates aren’t really people.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:17 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

I am shocked that you would discriminate against me like that. We are too people. Have you ever sailed off the coast of Somalia? Matey.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:19 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

You’re not a pirate.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:22 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

That’s what someone who discriminates says.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:27 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

I’m not discriminating.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:36 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

Deb,

This conversation would have never happened if you didn’t bring in 20 people for interviews, and then gave them a response by reposting the opening weeks later. So, really, you need to think about what you did to make me do this.

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From: Deb Hyde
Date: Monday, October 31 2011 11:37 AM
To: David Kaa
Subject: Re: Director Position

This conversation is ridiculous.

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From: david@themanwifechronicles.com
To: Deb Hyde
Date: Mon, October 31, 2011 11:44 AM
Subject: Re: Director Position

There is nothing ridiculous about bigotry, Deb. Look inside yourself, Deb. Look inside. Because I see a hurt little girl who was turned down for prom by a pirate. Search yourself. Help me help you.

Office Furniture For Sale

I’m told that if I can’t find a job I need to make my own opportunities. So I decided to sell my former employer’s office furniture on eBay. That’s perfectly good furniture no one is using. I’d sell my own furniture, but why sell mine when I can sell theirs? Besides, selling their furniture is much more profitable. Otherwise, I have nowhere to sit to sell other people’s stuff on eBay.

Bid on my old office furniture here.

Description

Slightly used office furniture set.

Summary

I’m selling my old office furniture. I no longer work for the company and figure it would be a shame to let such nice furniture sit there and go unused. All proceeds will go to help save the natural habitat of endangered house cat.

You can stop by at your convince to pick it up.

Innovasic Semiconductor
3737 Princeton NE, Suite 130
Albuquerque, NM 87107

Artist interpretation of the picture of me using a squirt gun on the kids.

Desk

It’s made of wood, and still has some stuff on it – pens, dents from banging my head and pictures. No need to worry, they’re not pictures of me. I keep the stock family photos that come with the frames. That way, when the kids are misbehaving, I can show them their replacement family. I find this is a great motivational tactic, along with a squirt gun. Kids are very much like cats – just spray them in the face and they run away. For an extra 20 bucks I’ll throw in a picture of me squirting the kids in the face. It’s something you and your family can enjoy gazing at over the fireplace mantle on a snowy Christmas Eve.

Chair

You should probably fumigate this. I found that flatulence was the best way to get people out of my office. You just discretely lean to one side and do one of those fist pumps as you let it rip. Always be sure to put your hand up for a celebratory high-five. It’s just proper etiquette. Besides, what kind of child was raised to leave someone hanging for a high-five? That’s just poor parenting.

File Cabinet

It holds … stuff. There’s no key for the lock. I threw it away after they handed me a cardboard box of the floor and escorted me out of the building. There was a quarter of a bottle of rum in there. And a trophy of a soaring eagle. Although, it isn’t my trophy, and I really shouldn’t sell something that isn’t mine. It’s the company’s award that I use to keep on my desk so my boss would think I was important and give me a raise. However, as I was carrying it from the front desk into my office I banged one of the wings on the door and broke it off. I put it on my desk anyway, because people really shouldn’t discriminate against a disabled eagle.