Driving the kids home from school picks up right where we left off – talking. Sometimes picking up with the same story. I don’t know how they go six hours in-between a conversation, and can just pick up without missing a beat.
“… and Dillon, when he was on the roller coaster at Six Flags…”
They boy has begun a conversation, and this angers the girl.
“Well Daddy, well at MY school…”
“Hey, I was talking! At Six Flags they have a ride…”
“HEY!!! I WANT TO TELL MY STORY FIRST!”
“The next person who yells from that back seat is getting pushed out the door. So someone better learn to tuck and roll.”
There’s something about yelling in the car that makes it ten times more irritating. Maybe it has something to do with the 12-year-old girls biked lodged under my car. Don’t worry, she fell off MILES ago, but the sound the bike makes as it gets dragged … it’s atrocious.
“Ok, let’s take turns and let your sister tell us what she has to say, and then you can continue telling me your story about Six Flags.”
“Megan, Me … Megan, she, she gave me, she drawed me a picture of a flower today, and, and I’m going to surprise her by drawing a picture for her, and I drawed a princess.”
“That’s very nice. And it’s ‘drew,’ sweetie. The past tense of draw is drew.”
It’s a learning moment. You have to take advantage of it when they present themselves.
“What’s tense mean?”
This may be one of the hardest moments as a parent, defining everyday words. As adults we know what they mean. Well, we know how to use them in a sentence, but ask me to give you a definition of ‘the’ and I have no idea.
“It’s the … well … it’s the … the … well, in a sentence when you have a word you have to change the form of the word to match the time you’re talking about. Does that make sense?”
“No.”
“Ok, when you are talking there’s three times a sentence can happen in – in the past, present, and future.”
“What’s the ‘present?’”
“It’s what’s happening now. Like we’re talking in the present. Does that make sense?”
“Yes. So I am farting in the present.”
“Not unless you farted.”
Brrrrp
“I just did.”
Seriously, I worry about her.
Of course, the boy hasn’t finished his story, and in the interest of equal opportunity he has to say something. Nothing of importance really. It could be anything. He just needs to speak.
“Daddy, I have a friend at school. He drives dirt bikes on the weekend.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. He’s driving in a dirt bike competition this weekend. He’s finished first in every race.”
This is typical of the boy. He just makes stuff up. Usually it’s not a problem, mostly because he’s eight. Although, you do have have to be careful. When he was in kindergarden he told his teacher I was pulled over and arrested.
“You’re eight. No one is driving a dirt bike.”
“No, I’m serious.”
“Fine. He’s driving in dirt bike competitions on weekends, and playing Texas Hold ‘em. Do we have any more questions?”
“What does past mean?”
“We just went over that?
“No, you told me what present meant.”
“Ok, it’s something that’s already happened.”
“Like I farted in the past.”
“Exactly.”
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